desk2

So I have started reading this book on how to save your relationship specifically aimed at marriage relationships. But here’s the thing; have you ever thought about this – having a job is like being married? Have you ever thought about the fact that you are probably more inclined to do something your boss asks you to do than your spouse, right? Why is that I wonder. I have come to the conclusion that it is because if you say no to your boss you will find yourself being disciplined for insubordination or some similar transgression.  Or perhaps it is because your boss pays your salary? Whatever the case may be, ultimately marriage and work relationships are probably two of the most important relationships we have as adults. How can we make them better?

Recently I learned about edification and de-edification. I found it hard to adapt to edification of others and edification of myself because I have mostly been exposed to de-edification, which I think most of us have at some time or another experienced, but perhaps didn’t know what it is. So, what is edification? For those who don’t know, it is when you speak well (truthfully) of another person whether you are in their company or not. De-edification is when you speak poorly (truthfully or untruthfully) of another person whether you are in their company or not and especially if they are not there to defend themselves.  So when you tell your spouse (or anybody else for that matter) what an idiot your boss is they begin to build their own opinion of your boss without even knowing him or her. But you want to ask yourself; if your boss is such an idiot, what was he or she thinking when they hired you? So can you see how de-edification can have a circular effect.  Now, how about you change your attitude towards your boss and your job and get out of the negative room? If you wouldn’t say what you have to say about him or her to their face then don’t say it to anybody else. De-edification can have lasting effects on a person. Think about the person who told you, you would never amount to anything and to this day you still believe that you don’t deserve better because some arbitrary teacher told you that when you were 10 because you did badly in one subject.

Edification on the other hand has the power to help us grow emotionally and to see ourselves in a positive light. If your boss says to somebody else that they should see you because you are the best person to speak to about that specific issue; instead of seeing that as just another chore being sent your way because he/she is too lazy, rather see it as a compliment, because he/she probably truly believes you are the best person to speak to. What are you doing to improve your relationships at work? Do you see the extra duties your boss gives you as “not in your job description”? or do you see them as your boss having faith in you and giving you the responsibility regardless of whether it is in your job description or not. Can you see that as edification of your capabilities? I often tell candidates I interview who complain of this that the skills they are learning, albeit that they aren’t being paid for the extra work, can only benefit them as they can sell on this experience to the next potential employer. So the next time you want to utter the words “but it is not in my job description”; think about the edification factor and your future potential.

I did say at the beginning of this that marriage is another one of your most important relationships. Remember that the above applies to your spouse as well. You can create a picture of your spouse in the minds of others that is not a true reflection, so think of edification versus de-edification. When you ignore a request from your spouse you actually de-edify them as you send out a message  which says “you are not important enough for me to do what it is you would like me to do”. Always remember: do unto others as you would have them do unto you and keep your slate clean –  just see what results you will get.

Until next time…………………

Venessa